Thursday, February 27, 2014


One of my favorite lines from Seinfeld is when George shouts, in a moment of frustration, that THERE ARE RULES!  What he's referring to is his perspective on how the world SHOULD be.  Well, this post focuses on my rules and expectations for train commuting.  The ones below are just a few to start.  I will add more as they come to mind.  I'd like to know your rules as well, so feel free to add them in the comments.  With enough feedback, we can build a Commuting Constitution.
  • Rule of Sleeping.  If you snore and your mouth is wide open, I am within my rights to try to land peanuts in your mouth from my seat.
  • Cell phone conversations can and will be used against you.  If you speak on a cell phone, and you are loud enough that I hear you give your cell phone number to the person to whom you're speaking, I reserve the right to harass you with text messages saying to shut up.
  • Mouths in Motion Tend To Stay in Motion. Warp 5, Mr. Sulu. If you see two people on the platform waiting and making small talk, you can reasonably expect that the small talk will continue for the duration of the ride.  These people technically have the right to have a conversation about fascinating topics such as the virtues of metal rakes vs. wooden rakes and mower blade sharpening.  Move away.  While you still can.
  • Mouths in Motion Tend to Stay in Motion. Shields Up! If moving away is impractical, get out the headphones. You don't even need a device to plug them into. They will provide sufficient muffling.  Or turn down your hearing aids if you are lucky enough to be hearing impaired.  
  • Be nice... Until it's time to not be nice.  Everyone will try to get on the train before you.  Elbows out and smile as you nicely shove your way past everyone.  If you are too nice, you will stand all the way to your destination.
  • The lavatory will always be gross.  Even after they clean it.  And to top it off, the sliding doors rarely lock properly, so when the train stops short, the door opens and it's SHOWTIME !
I haven't even touched the topic of the eating on the train.  Stay tuned for a very special guest blogger post on this subject, coming soon.
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