Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Interesting Characters, Continued

In a recent blog post, I identified three interesting characters I've encountered on the train: Six Pack Guy, End It All Guy, and Footloose and Fancy Free Gal.  I suggested that if I could come up with nine more, I might be able to publish an "Interesting Characters" pin-up calendar.  

Those aforementioned three will make up the first calendar quarter, or the winter month characters.  Now, with spring upon us, the timing couldn't be better to identify the second quarter characters.  

Meet the "Train Characters of the Second Quarter!"

Before we jump in, I want to point out that I received some feedback on the earlier post.  I was told that my description of End-It-All-Guy was callous.  I appreciate any and all comments, and want to make things right.  I freely admit I was wrong and have taken a reverse position. End-It-All-Guy is welcome to camp out on the tracks anytime he wants.  Especially during peak commuting hours.

Now that I've redeemed myself, I can make room for new offenses.  Particularly with April's character.

April: Medical Emergency Guy.  Have you ever sat on a stopped train, wondering why you're not going anywhere?  And then several minutes into the stoppage, someone announces that the train is going out of service, or will be further delayed because of an ill passenger? Well, here comes another callous remark. Let the passenger off onto the nearest platform.  Have someone wait with him until an ambulance arrives, and let the other 999 people get to their destinations. I'd expect to be treated this way if I were the sick passenger.  As Mr. Spock said at the end of Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan, "the needs of the many.... outweigh the needs of the few... or the one."

I'm sure I'll get some reactions from people explaining why their particular experiences warrant the train stopping for all 1,000 on board.  To those people: You are right, and your situation is most definitely an exception to the rule.

May: Slither Around Everyone Waiting For Doors To Open Guy. This guy is a bona fide weasel.  He even looks like a weasel.  Picture a group of people standing in blobs around the expected spots where the train doors open.  When the train stops, this guy manages to slither past everyone who is patiently waiting and gets on first. Sometimes, someone says something nasty to Slither Guy. But more often than not, no one does, which only enables and encourages him to do it again.  We all secretly envy Slither Guy.

June: Vicious Newspaper Consumption Guy.  While the rest of us read quietly, snooze, stare out the window, or conduct billion dollar deals on our mobile phones, this guy inhales all the news that's fit to print with unparalleled voracity. He's got the Wall Street Journal and/or the New York Times, and he is going to take in everything, so help him. The paper's up!  It's folded over! READ NOW! FFFFLLPPPTTTTTT! Turn to the next page! Wait, it's nothing but advertisements?  FFFFLLPPPTTTTTT! To the next page. Oh the Knicks lost again? Figures. FFFFLLPPPTTTTTT! Derek Jeter is retiring? What a career he's had!  FFFFLLPPPTTTTTT! You get the point. And so does everyone within a 10 seat radius.

My next step is to think about the next three months of characters.  I'm optimistic that I'll be able to come up with them.  After all, hope springs eternal.

Happy commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.

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