Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Interesting Characters

Interesting characters are everywhere in the commuting world.  Today's blog post is about three who I call Six Pack Guy, End It All Guy, and Footloose and Fancy Free Gal.   As soon as I can identify nine more, I'll put together and market a pin-up calendar.

Six Pack Guy (This has nothing to do with his abs, ladies)

From a town, known as Oyster Bay, Long Island
Rode a boy, with a six-pack in his hand

-- Billy Joel, The Ballad of Billy the Kid

Like many, I enjoy a beer or a scotch to unwind on the commute home.  I look forward to it on Fridays after the week is done.

But, there are always those who go overboard.  Like the guy who gets on the train with a six-pack.  For himself.  I'm fascinated by this guy. Over the course of a one hour train ride, I hear the *sploit* of each can of some garbage beer opening and watch him empty it.  This guy must have a bladder the size of a contractor garbage bag, because he never gets up to use the lav. I'd wear a path to the lav with this kind of intake.

Now on a more serious and responsible note, this behavior is likely indicative of alcoholism, and I hope these types get the help they need before they get into serious trouble.  Or worse, drive home from the train station and kill someone.

End It All Guy

Yes I'm lonely
Wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Girl you know the reason why

-- The Beatles, Yer Blues

The End-It-All Guy.  He's the guy who screws up my commute by jumping in front of a train just before rush hour.  Those of you who know me on Facebook know that my suggested mantra for these types is "I will take pills and booze, I will take pills and booze."  Given that he INSISTS on killing himself on the rails, it would be nice if he'd check the schedule for an off-peak train.

Footloose and Fancy Free Gal

You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it

-- Weird Al Yankovic, Eat It

She exists.  I saw the video.  I didn't see her on MY train, but my friend Brett made me aware of her.  And I'm scared.

What am I talking about?  Before I explain, consider this.  On the train, there are groomers.  Sometimes a man combs his hair.  Sometimes a woman will apply makeup. Sometimes, a man will evacuate the contents of his nostril using a digit.  Sometimes multiple digits.  Sometimes multiple nostrils.  Sometimes a man will use a nail clipper to clip a nail.  Or ten.  Or twenty.

And sometimes, the dead skin of the foot becomes a meal. Yes, a meal.

Brett sent me a video of a woman, on a commuter train, reading a book.  As she's reading, she is absentmindedly picking the dead skin of her foot.  Upon successful removal of the skin, she... EATS IT.  You and I may be disgusted, but think about it for a minute.  She doesn't need to cook a meal for herself when she gets home!  Maybe she's onto something.  She can claim she eats organic.  Can you?

I won't put the video here, but if you want to see it, send me an email to thetrain.invain.829@gmail.com.

Let me know if you've witnessed interesting characters.  If we can come up with nine more interesting characters, the calendar can become a reality, instead of just a May-December romance.

Happy commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.

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  1. She most certainly has issues eating her dried foot skin.
    So gross!

  2. Perhaps it is part of a religious ritual.

  3. Timely - apparently End It All Guy was taking the 6am out of Syosett today...

  4. Indeed. Got the post idea from the story about the guy in Syosset.

  5. I hereby leave my comment. So let it be typed, so let me be drugged.