Friday, October 16, 2015

Commute Off-Peak At Your Own Risk

Earlier this week, a friend who doesn’t often ride the LIRR took the train home from meetings in Manhattan. He found himself surrounded by numerous amateurs, which is no surprise since it was 3 PM, and certainly not rush hour. Amazed by the plentiful rudeness, he gave me real-time text updates for the duration of his off-peak trip.

TTIV takes no pleasure in what he endured. However, there's a sense of vindication in knowing that I’m not the only one who gets frustrated by lack of self-awareness. General disrespect of others in the shared space of a train car is unfortunately the norm.

Today's post is a cleaned up transcript of our conversation. TTIV protects the identities of contributors with Shakespearean names, and today's contributor is "Borachio."

Borachio: Holy s%#t. I'm on the LIRR. People don't shut the f@#k up.

TTIV: This blog exists for a reason. My advice is to look for a seat away from people traveling in groups.

Borachio: Four d&#kheads are having a deep conversation about tools.

TTIV: What kind of tools? You do realize it’s Wednesday, which means it’s also Matinee Day, AKA Amateur Day, AKA Retiree Day.

Borachio: Wrenches, hammers, that kind of stuff. I'd like to hit one of them with a wrench.

TTIV: They’d certainly deserve it. No judge would convict. I'll be a character witness for you.

Borachio: These are loud construction guys, they all sound like they’re from Bensonhurst.

TTIV:  Oh, you’re on the train in the construction hour. Those guys also like to spread out over multiple seats.

Borachio: “Oh that Richie, he’s funny, he's good, he’s got a lot of jokes.” Thick Brooklyn accent. Richie must also be from Bensonhurst.

TTIV: Those construction guys always stink of cigarette smoke. They’re probably dying to get off the train and light up a Camel.

** Short conversation pause **

Borachio: 40 empty seats and a woman just sat down next to me at Jamaica. She declared she's getting off at Ronkonkoma. She is right on top of me, invading my personal space.

TTIV: You’re writing my next blog post for me. Keep it coming.

Borachio: She must have seen that last text over my shoulder because she shifted over. Now the construction guys are talking about giving a cat cocaine. That certainly seems like a waste of money.

TTIV: I suppose it might be worthwhile if the entertainment value is significant. Cats can be entertaining.

** Short conversation pause **

Borachio: Thankfully getting off the train.

TTIV: That’s pretty much my mentality every day.

Borachio: In one commute, I came upon five completely inconsiderate a$$holes.

TTIV: For TTIV, that’s a “good blogging day.”

Too bad Richie from Bensonhurst wasn't on the train performing a monologue. That might have lightened Borachio's spirits.

Happy and safe commuting, and may you encounter uncommon sense.
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